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At Afterberry University, intellect meets individuality. Our institution thrives on the brilliance, humor, and chaos of those who lead it — from our world-renowned professors to our exceptional students and honorary scholars. Here’s a look behind the scenes at the people who make Afterberry not just a university, but a living idea.
Professor Afterberry
Founder & Chancellor of Absurd Philosophy
The architect of Afterberry University’s foundation and the guiding mind behind its mission. With five PhDs and a mind that dances between genius and madness, Professor Afterberry leads the institution with visionary precision. His teachings blur the lines between reason, art, and intellectual humor, setting the tone for every mind that enters his campus.
Bayden Pitts (Mr. Pitts / Mr. Titts)
Honorary Graduate & Visiting Scholar of Creative Literature
A literary prodigy and Afterberry legend, Bayden Pitts earned eternal acclaim for The Encyclopedia of Utter Gibberish: A Condensed 50,000-Word Experience. His mastery of nonsense, wit, and hidden truth has become a cornerstone of Afterberry’s cultural curriculum. Revered, controversial, and always poetic — Bayden reminds students that even gibberish can change the world.
Franklin “Frank the Tank” Tanklin
Head of Reddit Studies / Board of Academic Influence
Franklin oversees Afterberry’s digital engagement and online reputation — a pioneer in Reddit analytics and meme-based communication. His work ensures that intellectual discourse remains alive (and occasionally unhinged) across every forum. Off the clock, Frank the Tank is known for his wild energy and crowd-commanding charisma at campus events.
Tye Cope (Mr. Cope)
Chief of Diesel Engineering & Applied Mechanics
A top student and mechanical mastermind, Tye is the proud owner of the award-winning Silver Warthog, a diesel truck that’s become campus legend. Known for his laid-back nature and blue-collar grit, he balances brilliance with rebellion. When not turning wrenches or acing exams, Mr. Cope can be found teaching others the art of redneck ingenuity — Afterberry’s unofficial fourth pillar of excellence.
Jared Stultz (Mr. Stultz)
Associate Professor of Sound & Kinetic Expression
A scholar of rhythm and reason, Mr. Stultz blends academics with artistry. When he’s not lifting weights or writing lyrics, he’s crafting rock-inspired reflections on human emotion. His contributions to Afterberry’s “Music as Modern Myth” lecture series have cemented him as one of the institution’s most versatile and creative minds.
Dylan Langdon (Professor Lang / Agent Lang)
Director of Strategic Operations & Lawnonomics
Agent Lang operates at the intersection of academia and action. From running Mow & Grow, his entrepreneurial lawn-care empire, to teaching tactical time management and field strategy, Lang embodies the Afterberry blend of practicality and absurd brilliance. His classes often begin with a mission briefing and end with enlightenment — or tire replacement.
Benjamin From (Mr. From / Bingerman)
Professor of Cognitive Chaos & Rational Disorder
Bingerman is equal parts intellect and enigma — a runner, philosopher, and self-proclaimed “silly goose.” Considered one of the sharpest minds in the academic world, Ben brings humor into every lecture, proving that laughter and logic aren’t opposites but partners in higher thought.
Enrique Castillo (“EK”)
Director of International Culture & Recreation
Known for his relaxed charm and natural leadership, Enrique Castillo bridges Afterberry’s academic and cultural worlds. As the organizer of the International Cup & Cookout, he fosters camaraderie through soccer, laughter, and shared food. His easygoing energy brings balance to the university’s often-chaotic brilliance.
Santiago Castillo (“Lil C”)
Assistant Professor of Digital Media & Interactive Worlds
The younger Castillo brother, Santiago focuses on digital engagement through gaming and new media. A specialist in Roblox sociology and Fortnite behavioral theory, his work connects play with psychology. His classroom motto? “Victory Royale is a state of mind.”
Cort Quella (Mr. Cort)
Adjunct Instructor of Kinetic Philosophy (Golf Studies)
With a swing smoother than logic itself, Mr. Cort turns the golf course into a classroom. His lessons on patience, precision, and mental clarity reflect the deeper philosophies of Afterberry life. Both a competitor and a comedian, Cort’s wisdom lands somewhere between Aristotle and Happy Gilmore.
Zane Barnett “Mr. B”
Professor of Applied Athleticism & Social Dynamics
Energetic, athletic, and effortlessly funny, Zane teaches the art of physical intelligence — the link between movement, confidence, and creativity. Whether he’s on the basketball court or in a lecture hall, Mr. B embodies the Afterberry mindset: think fast, move faster, and never lose your sense of humor.
Closing Reflection
Every member of the Afterberry staff and student body contributes to a legacy built on wit, ambition, and originality. From the intellect of Professor Afterberry to the horsepower of Mr. Cope’s Silver Warthog, this community continues to redefine what higher education can look like — where logic meets laughter, and every day is a new experiment in brilliance.
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